Junk Bros News: A Satirical Newspaper
Circa 2002 - 200?
Junk Bros News was a great site to read about funny junk you didn't know. Brothers News was a satirical newspaper not intended for readers under 18 years of age
Content is from the site's 2002 - 200? archived pages.
Thank you Junk Bros News for all your "news". We need you more than ever in this time of Trump. Your fans miss you, bigly.
Rich Bossmund Solves Writer's Strike.
It’s true Junk Brothers News has been suffering from the writer’s strike lately.
However a solution is in the works.
In an exclusive JBN interview, Rich Bossmund was quoted as saying “We don't need writers, since all our readers suffer from CRS we can just re-release the already re-released material and no one will even notice.”
Junk Brothers News is committed to bringing you the same news you’ve come to enjoy.
Old News is Junk Brothers News!
Slick: Mr. Bossmund, Quality Control, Creative Advisor, Action Reporter
Chas: Webmaster, Editor, Photo Journalist, Graphics & Design
Supe: (Retired)Graphics, Creative Specialist, Street Reporter
Floyd: (Retired) Full-Time Part-Time Technical Advisor & Moral Support
A Special Thanks to JBN Story Writers
NOTE:
Junk Brothers News was a satirical newspaper not intended for readers under 18 years of age. Published by Charles & Michael Leigh & Magic City USA, Inc.
Junk Brothers News used invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures were being satirized. Any other use of real names was accidental and coincidental. The Batman references are intended to mask the identities of certain perpetrators so that no bad shit will be visited upon them. Any time you see someone called "Batman" in our stories please keep in mind that we mean one of our own editors/prevaricators, and not the actual Dark Knight. And so, if you see a huge weirdo lurking about in the parking lot, smirking satirically and wearing a grungy Batman shirt (instead of the best X large Batman sweatshirt) or an unwashed Batman hoodie, run away! It's not Batman!
Origami Waffles
A New Twist on Breakfast.
Just in time for the holiday craft and decorating season, Kellegg's Asia is introducing a totally unique embossed waffle paper that is ideal for art and craft projects, displays, construction projects, book and journal covers and even gift wrap. If successful in Japan, the Kellegg's® Special K Origami® Waffle will be extended for worldwide distribution.The major difference for Origami(T) Waffle Paper is that it is entirely edible and low-fat. Thaw fresh from your freezer and use in any origami you prefer.
As a marketing incentive, each Special K Origami Waffle box "contains a prize package with non-leaded plastic Mr. Potato Head parts, among other extensions for use in origami design, but NOT to be a choking hazard, as we don't like to recall our waffles."
Kellegg's is stressing that the Origami prize packages are not targeted at children, and this is why Special
K Origami Waffles are fun and educational for ages 2 to 120. At this year's NAMA Spring Expo at the Las Vegas Convention Center, Kellegg's will have origami masters on hand to demonstrate how folding waffles can help you drop a jean size in 2 weeks as part of taking the Special K Origami challenge. For instance, you may learn to origami one of these:
Here is a sample of folding instructions for Origami Pig Roast:
"Even a junk food junkie could do it! See look at Asian Origami masters and see they're not fat! Try Special K Origami waffles with soy sauce instead of syrup! Use chopsticks instead of spoon or fork."
Submit your origami creations online at kelleggs.co.jp and enter to win a genuine sushi pillow (non-edible). Big difference between a sushi pillow and a couch potato.
Kellegg's® Asia wants everybody to get the Special K O they deserve:
"We build Gr-r-reat brands and make the world a little happier by bringing our best to you."
Domo Origami!
The Origin of Chili's Roots.
Can Miss Teen South Carolina find Chile on a map?
Perhaps more disturbing: many people can't find Chili on a menu.
Recently Egyptologists working in Carn, have proven the existence of the earliest known chili in history. Their findings promote the land of the Sphinx as being the earliest known origin of the what chili lovers describe as the bowl of blessedness. The discover leads credence to chili having its roots in one of Egypt's pre-dynastic early upper kingdoms.
The rounded pharonic crown of upper Egypt bears a close resemblance to a chili pepper. But more compelling proof is hieroglyphics transcribed from the walls of the Luxor in Las Vegas which leave little doubt as to who the real father of Chili was.
Pharaoh OyISmeltaHotepCumin's name will soon be as famous as King Tut and Colonel Harland Sanders.
According to the Luxor glyphs, self-titled as The Book of the Red (which we now know must pre-date The Book of the Dead, for good reason), this illustrious pharaoh not only invented chili, but also created the Red Sea through which marched Moses and the Hebrews (during the Exodus, the Hebrews gathered bitter (hot) herbs for the Passover Seder Meal from the shoreline of the Red Sea). The Golden Calf may have been the world's first beef chili. Giant Paul Bunyan and his calf, Blue, signs are even found today in perse chili lands.
From The Book of the Red: "Yea in the second year of his reign, did the great Pharaoh Oy-I-Smelta Hotep-Cumin (Egyptian word for Chili [source]), pile up a great chili offering unto the gods; and by reason of the many bullock which he slew, chili'ed and piled-up was the sea turned to red, and was henceforth called the Red Sea. Thereafter, did the sultry Pharaoh take his chariots up into the land of the Weaklynites which was close unto the Capsaicin Sea. There did he slew many a man, woman and child, by reason of his fiery hotness. Yea he did smoke them with a mighty burning belly, and they were sore a smote. Yea, did he slew them? Why yes for show! Hence after, they were known as the Hittites, an ancient Anato-lian people, Hurrian for the water to escape the flaming fury."
More of The Book of the Red has yet to be translated owing to the pressing need of the Luxor janitors closing the chambers for cleaning.
Get Your Trophy Wife at bHarmony.com
Why bHarmony? bHarmony is Different.
At bHarmony our patented Matchbook System ® narrows the field from millions of virtual spousal trophies to a highly select group of top-shelf single trophies with whom to share deep levels of your self-esteem. Guaranteed.
Using our patented 29 Dimensions measurements survey, your satisfaction can be custom fitted to your core traits and vital personality deviations; so that you get the match which most compliments you.
Although bHarmony can not claim credit for either the New Age tongue-pierced Brit., Elizabeth Kucinich, or the Grand (Young) Party girl, Jeri Thompson Kehn, we can assure you that your bHarmony Trophy will be a no-nonsense, cash-only masterpiece of shine and glitter, mate.
Throw away your old golden girl, and get it on with a newer model.
Why pay more for your Icandy at other Etailers, when you can do that for $extra right here?
We have the perfect play thing for you, pay pal!
Let bHarmony be your Gspot showpiece supplier.
Choice Ivory & Ebony Trophies ideal for display purposes only.
Since all of our trophy models arrive at your door wearing only a plain coating inspected to be free of any marks, you can trust that your bejeweled token can be outfitted in any multilingual memento you'd fancy.
Our hard bodies will be a knock out to any contender to your throne!
Where you mount them is a discreet matter only between you and the law (both gravitational and civil).
Also, be sure to order a Bossco Fantasy Football Fantasy Trophy, player. Bossco is virtually the best name in virtual sporting virtual trophies.
Steve OTR Spotted in Internet Café
By Steve On The Road
Steve OTR, has been ducking the Junk Bros. News submission. “I have to keep a low profile, because of my 22 years in the Navy. I’m not sure how much of it McAnic remembers, but let’s just say that his crew picked up that ‘lipstick on a pit bull’ shtick from me, and I may even have said some crude things about hockey moms as recently as breakfast.” Steve is currently doing pick up work at a Tampa internet café; although Steve insists that if they make it into a casino, they would make a lot more money, and he sure could use the drinks. Steve recently spotted another “Smash mouth” as he calls, Sergey, the Russian. “Go back to Georgia, ya commie!” Steve asks that you keep this sighting on the down low, because he doesn’t want the CIA’s attention about his taxes. “Yeah, you know those men in black, are into fetishes like water voiding, rubber-rooms and straight jackets. This whole bailout will blow over,” says Steve, “we may end up getting shredded, but you betcha, yes we can be the kings of confetti come Rosh Hashanah, New Years and Chinese Take-out! What we really need right now is more of the same change… how much can you spare, Bossmund? In the Navy, or On The Road, I’m still number one when it comes to bailing out no matter who’s having to row. It’s sink or drown, is what I always say.” Steve believes that the Secret Service should remain a 976 number, and not get involved with the work that is On The Road. “Please tell Obomber, that I don’t have a phone and to quit ringing me already! DAMMIT! There he is again! Listen McAnic, you’re not taking my car, it’s been impounded under copyright protection! You just don’t understand that you don’t get it… HEY! Sergey, we don’t allow them lewd TaTu’s in here! I’m orter move to Alaska!”
In other news, the Internet Café is offering Fannie & Freddie Free Parking for the credit-crunch bargain price of $5, redeemable only by cliping ads found exclusively on the internet. Shshshshssss, mum’s in the other room, she’s took a tumbler an stove up her yager, mister! They’ll be no more chocolate Yahoo for her until she can wash my shirt!”
Dell Dude to Promote XPS 420
Dude! Just hanging out in the quad? Check this out!
All the 420 Girls dig this Ultimate Vista Xperience! The new Dell XPS (Xtra Pot Smokin) 420 sweet blew me away after I got her all set up on MyFace!
Featuring Intel's numbers munching pipe-lining technology inside, man!
It's about time you upgraded to the good stuff! Put her on Jamaican, Dude, because, your gettin a memory stick Dell bud on your desktop in O-U-8-1-2!
Joe Boxer Presents News Brief, by Haines.
With other shorts stories.
Under Cover News Briefs: AA Bra to small for Action. Wonder bras gives uplifting performance. No wonder the AA wasn't getting any Action.
Dickie Do Awards: presented by Jerry Lewis. His belly sticks out further than his Dickie Do.
Joe Boxer Sports Brief: Jockeys don't ride up on a Bike.
The Rise & Fall of Underpants. A hands on documentary.
Support Hanes because BVDs suck and who wants any kind of VD?
Dear Fellow Organic Gardener
The Garden Season Is Upon Us
This letter is being sent to you because you or someone you know is interested in Gardening. This is an Organic fertilizer club. It will not cost you a cent to join.
Upon receipt of this letter, go to the address at the top of the list and shit in their garden. Do not be embarrassed as you will not be the only one there. Send this letter to five of your friends who appreciate organic gardening. You will not receive any money or checks in the mail. However, if the chain is not broken, with in one week there will be 9,216 people shitting in your garden. With all that organic matter in the soil next summer you’ll have the most productive garden in your neighborhood. When it comes to organic gardening, Please give a shit and add your name to the bottom of the list.
** WARNING** DO NOT BREAK CHAIN * - One man didn’t give a shit and lost his entire Garden to Dung Beetles.
(If you are constipated, pass this along to your neighbors.)
1. Mr. Will E. Krapp
1422 Enema Way
Strewsburg, Mass
2. Mrs. Luce Bowels
30 Bedpan Avenue
Poopee, Ill
3. Mr. Hem E. Roids
#2 Piles Drive
Frankfart, Wisc.
4. Mr. Smelly B. Hind
476 Dia Rhea Way
Loosely, Nevada
5. Mrs. C. Howie Phartz
896 Rectum Road
Gas Pains, NJ
6. Mr. Bigger Movements
276 Fertilizer Way
Pootown, IN
7. Mr. A. Hole
Dark Hollow Drive
Colon, Washington DC
(Please give a shit and add your name to the bottom of the list.)
Over Weight Man Frustrated Over His Wait.
John's earlier attempts to lose weight always ended in frustration. So John joined golden gym to lift & lose weight. It seemed like the healthy thing to do. So far he remains frustrated over his wait. Every time he goes to use a weight machine at the golden gym someone is already using it. All he does is wait. John did lose 4 lbs his first week at the gym, but he admitted he lost the 4 lbs just looking for an available machine to use. Now he just stands around waiting to lift weights. He's actually gained 6 lbs since he started. This could be due to the nearby proximity of Weenie Heaven.
More Background On JunkBrosNews.com
JunkBrosNews.com occupies a distinctive and often overlooked corner of early internet culture. Active primarily in the early 2000s, the website functioned as a satirical online newspaper devoted to absurdist humor, parody news reporting, and irreverent cultural commentary. Though no longer updated and largely accessible today only through web archives, JunkBrosNews.com remains a revealing artifact of a time when independent websites could flourish outside algorithms, social platforms, and commercial publishing pressures.
Unlike later large-scale satire platforms, Junk Bros News was not polished, mass-marketed, or corporatized. Instead, it reflected a do-it-yourself ethos, blending underground humor, inside jokes, exaggerated personas, and intentionally crude or surreal writing. Its value today lies not in ongoing relevance but in what it represents: a snapshot of early internet experimentation where humor, creativity, and personal voice mattered more than traffic metrics or monetization.
Origins and Founding Context
JunkBrosNews.com appears to have emerged around 2002, during a period when the web was transitioning from static personal pages into more content-driven sites. Blogging platforms were still developing, social media did not yet dominate attention, and many websites were labors of love created by small groups or individuals with minimal concern for profitability.
The site identified itself as “Junk Bros News” or “Junk Brothers News,” suggesting a collaborative effort between creators who framed themselves as brothers, whether literally or metaphorically. The publication described itself explicitly as a satirical newspaper, with a clear disclaimer that it was not intended for readers under 18 years of age. This positioned the site firmly within adult humor and parody, embracing off-color jokes, exaggerated language, and intentionally provocative material.
The site’s publishing entity was listed as Charles & Michael Leigh & Magic City USA, Inc. Beyond the site itself, there is no widely documented corporate footprint for this entity, indicating that it was either a small private company, a creative alias, or a satirical construct aligned with the site’s overall tone.
Ownership and Creative Team
JunkBrosNews.com did not present its staff in conventional journalistic terms. Instead, contributors were listed under playful, often exaggerated roles that blurred the line between real people and fictional characters. These included titles such as Quality Control, Action Reporter, Creative Advisor, Webmaster, Graphics Specialist, and Technical Advisor.
Rather than emphasizing credentials or authority, the site leaned into a performative identity. The staff listing itself functioned as part of the joke, reinforcing the idea that Junk Bros News was less a newsroom and more a comedic ensemble or digital zine.
Some contributors were marked as “retired,” adding to the impression that the site viewed itself as an ongoing narrative or internal mythology rather than a static publication. This approach reflected early internet humor culture, where websites often built their own lore, inside references, and recurring characters.
Content Structure and Editorial Style
Satirical News and Absurd Reporting
At its core, JunkBrosNews.com specialized in parody news articles. These pieces mimicked the structure of journalism — headlines, interviews, reports, and opinion columns — while deliberately undermining factual logic. Stories often began with a recognizable premise before spiraling into surreal, nonsensical, or exaggerated territory.
Rather than reacting to daily headlines in real time, many articles existed in a timeless satirical space. Some referenced cultural phenomena, advertising tropes, political language, or corporate branding, but always filtered through absurdity.
Invented Products and Mock Advertising
A recurring theme on the site was parody advertising. Junk Bros News frequently published mock promotional content for fictional products, services, or campaigns. These pieces skewered marketing language, consumer culture, and corporate optimism by pushing them to ridiculous extremes.
These articles often read like exaggerated press releases, complete with slogans, invented features, and implausible claims. The humor relied on the reader’s familiarity with real-world advertising conventions, making the satire sharper for audiences accustomed to corporate spin.
Recurring Characters and Personas
Many articles were written from the perspective of recurring fictional figures. These characters appeared in multiple stories, creating a loose continuity across the site. Their voices were intentionally unreliable, rambling, and opinionated, reinforcing the sense that Junk Bros News existed in its own warped reality.
The use of personas allowed the site to explore humor through character rather than purely through topical satire. In this sense, Junk Bros News shared DNA with sketch comedy and underground zines rather than traditional newspapers.
Audience and Intended Readership
JunkBrosNews.com was clearly aimed at an adult audience with a tolerance for crude humor, satire, and absurdity. The explicit age disclaimer suggests that the creators were conscious of content boundaries, even as they gleefully pushed them.
The site’s humor would have resonated most strongly with readers familiar with:
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Early internet culture
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Alternative newspapers
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Satirical magazines
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DIY web publishing
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Countercultural humor
Because the site was not heavily promoted and lacked mainstream coverage, its audience was likely modest but engaged. Readers who discovered Junk Bros News probably did so through word-of-mouth, web rings, or random exploration — common discovery methods in the early 2000s.
Popularity and Reach
There is no reliable evidence that JunkBrosNews.com achieved large-scale popularity. It does not appear in major media retrospectives, academic studies, or mainstream humor rankings. However, this does not diminish its significance.
Many early internet projects were never designed for mass audiences. Their success was measured not in traffic numbers but in creative satisfaction and community resonance. The fact that Junk Bros News continues to circulate via archived pages suggests it made enough of an impression to be preserved.
Its enduring availability through web archives indicates that users found it memorable enough to revisit or reference years later.
Geographic and Cultural Context
While the site does not prominently feature a physical address or geographic location, its tone, references, and language suggest a United States origin. Cultural cues such as American brand parodies, political jokes, and colloquial expressions place it firmly within American humor traditions.
The mention of “Magic City USA” may reference several possible locations historically associated with that nickname, but it is more likely a satirical flourish than a literal address.
Press, Media Coverage, and Recognition
JunkBrosNews.com does not appear to have received formal awards, press coverage, or institutional recognition. This absence is consistent with its underground nature and the era in which it existed.
However, lack of mainstream recognition does not equate to lack of cultural value. Many influential internet projects of the early web existed entirely outside traditional media ecosystems. Junk Bros News belongs to this category — creative, self-contained, and unconcerned with legitimacy beyond its own audience.
Cultural and Social Significance
The true significance of JunkBrosNews.com lies in what it represents rather than what it achieved commercially.
A Snapshot of Early Web Freedom
During its active years, the internet was far less regulated by algorithms, advertising platforms, and monetization strategies. Websites like Junk Bros News could exist purely for entertainment, experimentation, and expression.
The site exemplifies a period when humor could be niche, weird, and unapologetically strange without worrying about brand safety or audience optimization.
Satire Without Scale
Unlike modern satire outlets that must appeal to massive audiences, Junk Bros News catered to its own sensibilities. Its humor did not attempt universal appeal. This allowed it to be more idiosyncratic, more offensive to some, and more rewarding to others.
Digital Zine Culture
JunkBrosNews.com fits comfortably within the lineage of digital zines — independently produced publications that blurred art, writing, and commentary. Like print zines before it, the site prioritized voice and attitude over polish.
Decline and Archival Afterlife
At some point in the mid-2000s, JunkBrosNews.com ceased updating. No formal closure announcement appears to exist, suggesting the site simply faded as creators moved on or hosting arrangements changed.
What remains today is its archived presence. These archived pages serve as a time capsule, preserving both the content and the aesthetic of early web design, including layout choices, graphic styles, and navigation conventions.
Legacy and Ongoing Relevance
While JunkBrosNews.com is not widely cited today, it remains relevant to historians of internet culture, digital archivists, and enthusiasts of early online humor. Its value lies in authenticity — it was not chasing trends or audiences, but simply doing its own strange thing.
For modern readers, Junk Bros News offers:
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Insight into pre-social-media humor
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Examples of independent digital satire
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Evidence of creative freedom in early web publishing
JunkBrosNews.com stands as a fascinating relic of early internet satire. It was never designed to last forever, dominate traffic charts, or build a media empire. Instead, it captured a moment — a moment when humor was raw, websites were personal, and creativity flourished without commercial pressure.
Though inactive, its archived pages continue to entertain, confuse, and intrigue readers who stumble upon them. In that sense, Junk Bros News succeeded: it made something memorable, strange, and uniquely its own.
