Steve's Special Report

I just flew in from Hong Kong (and Boy are my arms tired!) What a mess over there! I caught the damndest cold so I'm a little sluggish today. After a brief stop over in Ontario it's off to the middle east for some warm, dry air to get rid of these sniffles! (Your roving reporter never sleeps.)
While enroute to Basrah, Iraq (they sell the BEST dates and raisin goulash in Basrah) we had to make an emergency stop off in the Iraqi capital of Baghdad. Nice place, Baghdad but you would think, being the capital and all, that life would be busier. There's NOBODY on the streets here. In all my 22 years in the military I've never seen anything like this. Well, except that time I got lost in the Nevada desert after an “all nighter” at the Chicken Ranch.
The only soles I have encountered were outside the local McSaddam's and they tried to surrender to me! I ran (get it...Iran?) into old time buddy Geraldo Rivera who drew me a map in the sand showing me where find those dates I was looking for but I took a wrong turn and ran into this guy Peter looking for a job. Just between me and you, he’ll never get a job unless he does something with that hair. He reminds me of a retired version of the monster in Young Frankenstein.
I had reservations at the Ramadan Inn near Al Nasiriyah, but found out my reservations got cancelled when the hotel got cancelled! I guess when they decide to remodel a hotel they start from the ground up. Well I have to cut this report short. There's a lot of Sonic Booms and it's really smoky, beside I’ve got sand up the crack of my butt. Now if I can only find a taxi...

(Who's Steve?)

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