New Food-Borne Illness Troubles The Nation

 Scarcely weeks after a massive recall of beef due to Mad-Cow disease, the CDC, USDA and FDA, have alerted consumers to be aware of a new food-borne disease, that has prompted food recalls and mayhem at local supermarkets and emergency rooms.

The first victim of the disease is Mary “Jane” Begonez, who after consuming a can of turnips, has lost her job and her home, and has turned to the life of day-to-day existence as a common street rutabaga.   Flatulence of a highly flammable nature and capable of taking-out small city blocks, is also a possible symptom of the disease.   Other nations such as Russia and China are calling for renewed US participation in the Kyoto Treaty to stem global warming due to pandemic fears.

“Mad-Turnip disease,” as the illness is being called, can strike anyone who indulges in the tainted greens.   Puzzling as it may sound, one theory proposes that the normally bitter but innocent turnip becomes infected before reaching maturity, if it is exposed to fertilizer made of manure from an cow infected with Mad-Cow disease.   The public is being advised to eat collards instead of turnips, for the short-term duration.   Softly speaking with your greens prior to eating them, may also be helpful in calming their madness.