|
 By Innocent Bystander
Random Drug Testing
Junk Brothers News magnate, Rich Bossmund's latest
work-place mandate demanding Random Drug Testing for all JBN employees,
has resulted in a debacle that literally has the editor and every street
reporter petrified.
Ongoing adherence and dedication to the random drug testing effort, is
keeping the entire staff present around the clock, with some members
crashing, while others are tweaking and peaking for days on end.
"Now I'm concerned about this pizza bill, but I'm sure it will pay for
itself," said Bossmund when asked about the new policy. Bossmund then
left in order to make his tee time at the club.
When the editor, Chas Laser, was asked about the policy, he collapsed to
the floor in a giggling fit, and eventually cried for a while and then
became subdued. The only one who seemed to know what was going on was
Steve OTR, who claimed it was the fault of the DEA.
"We don't believe in enforcing drugs on just anybody," slurred Steve,
"but apparently some of the drugs in use are not of that great of
quality. Some may be counterfeit drugs and others may be fake drugs. So
the boss is having us do this random drug testing in order to be in
compliance with the law. 'Trouble is, we keep running out of drugs to
test! That's why everyone needs to send us their drugs so that we can
continue our random drug testing. Maybe we'll find out what cures that
ugly, blue, one-eyed alien in the restroom!"
|
