Near Death Experience Save Lives!

Report by: Paddy MeGoolies

Dublin city council fires up its first of many to come heavy-duty gas Burners. The idea is the brainchild of Barney B. Rush. His Idea to burn off excess gas from human waste, which builds up in sewer traps, came to him after being involved in a freak accident while working his regular street sweeping route.

Mr. Rush told me ‘I was just stopping to have a mid morning fag and I sat on a small garden wall, I lit my lighter and BOOM! I had ignited a build up of excess gas, which was leaking from the gas trap below me. The blast sent me 600feet in the air and I landed in the near by canal. It took fire fighters a week to put out the blaze and eight house’s and ten cars were destroyed.’

‘As I was recovering in hospital from two broken arms, two broken legs, a broken neck and a fractured skull, I got the idea for the gas burner and as soon as I could use my arms again I designed and patented the Foul Air Recycling Tool and sold it to the city council.’

Officials from the council told me that Mr Rush’s misfortune now turned to fortune due to the fact that his burners will be of fantastic benefit to the city. Mr. Rush’s burners will not only reduce the high risk of people being gassed to death or blown to bits by lethal gases they can also be used to heat the streets!

Free heat but not for the homeless!

Free heat for all but we have had to ensure that the homeless don’t get too comfy and start sleeping around the burners so we have designed and installed ‘anti-homeless people hogging the all the heat’ cages to house the burners in.

If this pilot project is a success the council plan to have 3,500 F.A.R.T. burners installed all over the capitol by 2007’

Paddy MeGoolies, JBN.COM Ireland 2004