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Big Tobacco Vying For More Female Smokers
By Steve On The Road
 In an open blog to the media, a noted oral cosmologist accused "Big Tobacco" of
trying to become "Bigger Tobacco." Dr. Tommy Psilonox accused the tobacco giants
of marketing new cigarette brands that were "specifically targeted for female
smokers."
Dr. Psilonox was referring to what has become to be called
"lip-cigs" by tobacco insiders. Lip-cigs are currently being marketed across the
country, but most notably on urban street corners. The term lip-cig is short for
lipstick on a cigarette. Psilonox maintains that proof can be found in bar
settings and curbside gutters.
 A spokesman for the new Easy brand of cigarettes, R. J. Charles, said that
"indeed the number of lipstick tipped cigarettes may be on the rise, but that
Easy cigarettes should not be held solely accountable for every one."
"I expect this is not the first time he's had to cover his butts," rebuffed
Dr. Psilonox. "If we let this kind of gimmick go unchecked, what might be next?
Lipstick stained beer mugs? Pre-washed lipstick stained blue jeans? How about
pre-spotted men's tighty-whiteys?"
But R. J. Charles responded that "pre-colored lipstick tips were only being
used by Easy cigarettes as a consumer safety measure to let certain smokers know
which end of the cigarette is the 'business end.'"
 In an unscientific poll conducted by this reporter, Gloria, a female smoker,
had this to say:
"this idea might be really cool if you like, weren't wearing any lipstick, but
still wanted to look like you had. But it would never work anyway, because as
soon as the cigarette burned past the end of the lipstick color, it would like,
give you away!
 Hey! You know what they really should do, man? They should like sell
pre-smoked cigarettes, because I'm like, I buy a lot of my meats pre-smoked, and
if I can do that, man, then why can't I get pre-smoked cigarettes too! You
know?"
Both R. J. Charles and Dr. Psilonox said that they would look into her
proposal.
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