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By Steve On The Road
 Only weeks after MLB has-beens were ordered
to appear before congress in an investigation of professional
steroid abuse, a little known religion is asserting it's rights to
smoke steroids as part of their worship practices.
The Rasta Furious claim that the smoking of steroids was given to
them as a spiritual rite by their one true god, that they call
"Juice." They claim that it is for the "Juicish People" [a.k.a.
Rasta Furious] to decide what is legal or illegal concerning their
worship, and that the Federal Government has no jurisdiction in
religious matters.
The philosophy of this rapidly growing cult is best expressed by
the lyrics of Rasta Furious music. They point in example to Rasta
Furious musician, Knob Gnarley.
From the following lyric excerpt, one can plainly see how dearly
the Rasta Furious value the smoking of steroids in their religion:
"There is but one anabolic, One pumper, Let's get so freaky and D-Bol
tonight."
The Rasta Furious have their own culture
 and literature, as well,
such as the popular "Diuretics" by Elron Cupboard ("Get it today").
The Rasta Furious are accusing the government of poking around in
their spirituality pyramid. "They best be watchin what they be
creatin," protested Rasta Furious front man, Jim Candee. "Tell the
ATF and the ATP to shove-off or the Rasta Furious will be getting
all freaky-deaky with roid-rage on 'em, man!"
Some Rasta Furious even delve into a kind of mystic magic known
as Catabola.
Congressman Tom Delay has yet to ask the courts to intervene in
the interpretation of the Rasta Furious' use of steroids. |
