|
Dear Mr. Bossmund,
As of late, some of the writers in the newsroom have come up with a
radical approach to reporting the news. Ivan Pecker, in particular,
felt that there may be a lot of stuff going on outside that we just
don't know about, and even when we get wind of our street reporters.
Ivan told the us that a pizza delivery boy had mentioned a 24-hour
news channel.
 Since our 24-hour news hotline doesn't ring that often, we feel like
JBN could benefit from having such a resource for news. Perhaps we
could advertise for applications to get one of these mediums that
could channel the news. The Ouija board that we have is fairly worn
out, and we can no longer make out the letters. If you hired one of
these mediums, I'm sure that we would know more about what is really
going on outside of the newsroom. Of course, we may have to take
breaks to hold séances, but we could save you money on electricity
by burning candles.
Ivan says that it may be possible to get one of those mediums
 on
cable; but none of us know Morse code, and we would still need to
get wired with the teletype. So an in-house channeler would probably
be the way to go.
It is just a thought. We apologize for sending this to you in the
mail, but the suggestion box is already full, and can't hold
anything more. You must have a tremendous backlog of decisions to
make. If we were capable of working as hard as you, we're sure that
we could not only report the news, but we would also have the time
to publish funny junk that people don't know.
 Sincerely,
The Writers.
P.S. Please don't tell Mr. Laser that we contacted you. We would
hate for him to know how we're going behind his back. Also, is it
possible to get Phat Ho's to make a Ouija style pizza?
Also,... the white-wash machine is all out of Fluff. We're only
mentioning this because we don't want our perfect safety record
blemished by someone slipping on a piece of yellow journalism.
FYI: Most employers are not willing to pay for free
 parking;
pizza
benefits not withstanding.
|
