Tampon Fl. Area Recycler
Rich Bossmund has discovered a unique
way of recycling split atoms. Bossmund, a G.E.D. , was recently recognized
by the National Science Foundation for his
Split Atoms Recycler. Dr. Christy C.
Boesz, Inspector General of the National Science Foundation stated: “yes.
We’ve seen Bossmund around in several places and we have been watching him
for quite some time. He does have an amazing ability to take junk and turn
it into useless fodder for more junk, and you know what they say, ‘mo money,
mo junk.’”
As of press time, it was unclear just what this recognition would
entail.
Adam Coupler, recycling plant forklift
driver, has been shoving protons and neutrons around frantically in
anticipation of 60-Minutes. He’s recently been dubbed the 60-Minute
Man.
There is a constant hum being emitted from the influx of atoms from
particle accelerators, as well as split atoms picked-up by trading on
E-Bay. There is talk that Libya’s Muammar Abu Minyar al-QadhafI may be
flooding the market with weapon’s grade split atoms, in the wake of Iraqi
strongman, Saddam Hussein’s nukerlar misappropriations.
In any case, many prophets of doom, Greenpeace activists, and the
Vatican, are claiming that Bossmund’s Split Atoms Recycler could reach
Critical Mass.
Both the DNC and GOP, accuses Bossmund
SARS (Split Atom Recycling System) of
failing to count all of the Quarks during the last Electron, missing some
hanging Quarks and various other Quarks that were not clearly punched; that
in the words of one Bush administration
leaker, “was reason enough to raise the
Terror Alert Status to O.J. Simpson, from the previous status of Kobe Bryant
at which it had remained for the last six months.
In particular, Bossmund is alleged to have not counted in any of the
“CHARM” Quarks, while at the same time, having an over-abundance of the
“STRANGE” variety.
Quark Anomalies
in Parts Per Billions
Certified by Katherine Harris
Protons
Sopranos
Valid Quarks found after certification
+59
-478
Correctly marked Quarks
+493
+15
Full punched Quarks
+100
+115
Poorly marked Quarks
+309
+424
3-corner Quarkets
-208
+216
2-corner dual-Quarks
-111
+105
1-corner Quartets
-45
+60
Quarks sporting Dimples with sunlight
+88
+148
Dimples, Willies, Chads or
Bobs
-41
+107
In his defense, Bossmond is touting an IPO based on a
pending patent of what he calls “Atomic Recycler Differential – Quarks,”
or “ARD-Quarks.” Research is also being carried out on the production
of “Large ARD-Quarks or LARD-Quarks.” “Keep them guessing is what I
always say,” said Bossmund, “the rich Quarks get richer, and the poor
Quarks have babies. They’ll just have to tighten-up their String
theory.”
“Hopefully,” concluded Bossmund, “and
Steve OTR agrees, the process of
Electron-Positron Annihilation and Neutrino Scattering, will dampen
Electron Quark leakage, and in turn reduce the number of LARD-Quarks to
two from a field of 10, that we have named: Al, Carol, Dennis, Dick,
Edwards, George, Howard, Joe, John and Wesley. You know, that Steve
guy, was in the Navy for 22 years, so he must know what he’s talking
about.”
