BEIJING (JBN) - The Guangzhou Haokian Bio-science company, a condom
maker in southern China's Guangdong province is marketing its products
under "Clinton" and "Lewinsky" brands and has registered the names as
trademarks, China state press said.
Vice President for Promoting Affairs, Won Sum Tang, explained that the
two types of condoms had been named after former U.S. President Bill
Clinton and his top intern, Monica Lewinsky, to honor them for their
contributions to AIDS awareness.
"Two types necessary to stretch to every condom situation," elaborated
Tang. The Clinton male condom is our top of the line condom for when a
cover-up is needed. It has earned a former president's seal of approval
for its spotless record, and with proper use, it prevent staining blue
dress. It feature handsome executive branch oval dispenser for fitting
handily under a large desk. Packaging also include non-inhalable
presidential papers.
Clinton condoms, themself, come in wide variety of primary colors. You
can choose any color, so long as you in peach. Clinton condom have nice
Cuban aroma and are fully tested by interns. The Clinton condom may be
applied with the hands or orally. Use it to lie with anyone you choose.
It's like not having sex at all, depending on what your definition of
'is' is.
Use a Clinton condom for when you are feeling willey. It's endorsed by
Bob Dole, and will guarantee a slick willie every time. The lubricant
gives a nice white-water rush with chills run up and down your spine.
The Clinton condom is recyclable in case you have to rodham twice. It
will even standup on those days when you have to lend a trip to Reno.
The Lewinsky condom is only applied to the tongue, but may also be used
over phone to inhibit the spread of wiretapping.
"The Clinton condoms sell for 400 yen and the Lewinsky condoms sell for
200 chin," finished Won Sum Tang.
President Bill Clinton is said to be excited at the prospect of a tour
of China promoting the new condoms. He was quoted as saying, "I tried
it, just because I could, and I really tried to inhale. I was incapable
of inhaling... I believe Chinese families will be better off as a result
of this stimulus program and it will fixate our desire for extending a
most-favored nation trading status for China. The U.S. should be working
on a stealth, Blue-Tooth enabled heat-seeking version of this as soon as
possible! I'm getting a case sent to the Clinton Library to use as
bookmarks."
Monica Lewinsky refrained from making any comments about the new
venture. Her publicist says she never gives interviews when her mouth is
full.
Warnings on the condoms' packaging cautions against using them to shoot
spitballs at filibusterng senators.
By Mi Long Wang