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Sheriff Ben Dunkin will have Triple Bypass Operation
from Karl's Cubicle.
 After
handily winning the votes he needed for Re-election last month, sheriff
Ben Dunkin wishes to thank everyone who voted early and often. So it's
come as a surprise to many that the law man would then be gearing up for
a triple bypass operation so soon after the election.
When it comes to pushing the limits of the law, sheriff Ben Dunkin is no
Quick Draw McGraw. But he does know the law and in fact, he is full of
it. Sheriff Dunkin has more in-laws than anybody else in the county,
which is maybe due in large part to the counseling and relocation
services for domestic disputes that is administered by his family. Who
needs a Department of Social Services whenever there is Dunkin booth
around most every corner?
 Sheriff
Dunkin says that he is "proud of the way local citizens obey the laws."
This is why he's having his triple bypass operation all next month. As
the sheriff explained, "during the triple bypass operation, deputies
will be collecting donations all along the bypass. Each time you bypass,
you're expected to triple the amount we got you down on radar for."
According to the sheriff, the money will be going to a charitable cause
of sorts. Sheriff Dunkin wants to increase the number of red lights in
the red light district. "The sheriff force has always been a supporter
of the hard working women of the area that has become to be known as the
red light district," opined Dunkin, "and since we help the Lions club to
sell the soft white light bulbs and brooms, we aught to help these gals
sell their red lights. As long as you don't use the light on top of your
vehicle, I believe that everyone who's able, should have a red light."
 "We
don't discriminate on sex, and that means that as officers of the court,
we can't shirk our duties by being under serviced by this women's group.
We want to add additional additions to the neighborhood, such as
additional traffic-lights and pull-outs for the philanthropists who
provide the relief for this commiseration services;" stated Dunkin, "so
reach way deep down and grab all you've got and give it to them until it
hurts, because we can never do enough for charity!"
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