by Steve On The Road
Hi Chas! I finally caught up with Lance Armstrong racing his bike in
La Tour De France! Lance is channeling for Discovery of his seventh
win.
Even if Lance, who will retire when the Tour ends in Paris on July
24, doesn't win, everybody should know that he'll always be a
winner.
Can you believe that spectators in Germany spat on him as he rode
by? I know how that feels.
One of these races is perhaps the most grueling punishment that
people engage in. But it wasn't that bad on me pedaling "the hippy
car bomb." I was running even with Lance, when the French Frying
Legion arrested me, and kicked me out of France again. That happened
a lot during my service of 22 years in the Navy.
But I always come right back, like Lance Armstrong! Before being
arrested, I managed to palm Lance a slice of Phat Ho's Korean pizza.
The Frenchys didn't have a clueso! They can thank me later! ;-)
Lance's girlfriend, rocker Sheryl Crow, rode part of the Tour with
Lance; Crow says, "I did the whole stretch even though I might not
have set a new record. It was extremely difficult." Sheryl is about
to set a new record called "Wildflowers," that she says is inspired
by Lance. There's been some speculation that she'll become Lance's
new spokesperson, giving the slogan: "I've got Lance in my pants."
It's easy to see where this is going: The Tour de Pants.
This year's Tour will be the shortest in its history; some people
believe this is an attempt to reduce Armstrong's advantage.
According to Sheryl Crow, "every ounce of fat, bone, and muscle on
Armstrong's body is regularly inventoried, analyzed, and accounted
for." Just take a look at this custom wedding band...
Lance says, "everybody wants to know what I'm on. What am I on? I'm
on my bike, busting my ass six hours a day. What are you on?" I'm on
the road with a notebook from Rich Bossmund, and a credit balance
owed for Free Parking. One thing you gotta say about Lance Armstrong
is he's got the ball to win!
Well as the French always say, "When in Rome, eat crow and Wee Wee!"
Steve On De Road was solely responsible for putting Armstrong a leg
up on a bucket of KFC, according to an expense receipt he turned
from a local drive-thru.
