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By Bertie O'Babino
 MALAHIDE,
IRELAND Emerging rock star, Ono, of Ono U2 Didn't, Ireland's newest
band coming out, was thrown in jail for tax evasion and
impersonating a banshee.
Ono's publicist, Simon Woodward, owned up to Ono's tax invasions,
as well as the charge of impersonating a banshee. The publicist did
point out that Ono had been off his medication and had been forced
to substitute with cheap low-carb American beer.
Concerning the banshee accusation, Simon explained that he
[sic](Ono) had been rehearsing for a possible gig in Cabra,
kicking-off Ono U2 Didn't's much anticipated Elevator Tour.
Ono U2 Didn't are best not remembered for their smash mouth hits:
"Hump-Day Bloody Hump-Day," "With or Without Goo," "I Still Haven't
Found Ho I'm Looking For," "I Will Borrow," "A Sort of Homo Coming,"
"New Queers Say," and "Where the Sheets Have No Stains."
Bertie Ahern was asked to comment on Ono's imprisonment. He
simply stated, "What a great opportunity to get some peace." British
Prime Minister Tony Blair, simply added, "jolly good!"
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