Radar Malfunction

Elderly Woman is a Heart Beat Away from Jail

Fastkarz, AZ. A conflict between a ‘Ray of Light & the Beat of a Heart’ has sent a bewildered elderly woman to jail. The power surge in Aunt Bee’s Pacemaker, caused by the Laser beam from the Speed monitor, created a malfunction in the Speed monitor. As Aunt Bee rolled thru the school zone at an even pace her speed was record at 147 mph over the speed limit. With the help of marvelous technology, she was arrested 2,552 days later after the offence, 3 days within the statue of limitations. Bee tried to reason with the police, but the police stated, “We have the facts, Ma’am. We have the equipment calibration certificate and a photo of your car with an indicated speed of 167 m.p.h. in a school zone.” An expert witness from GM testified that her 2001 Ford Focus with 1.2 liter, 4 cylinder engine couldn’t fall off a cliff at 167 m.p.h. even with the force of gravity boosting that led sled. Test conducted by Police Department Technicians suggested a remote chance in hell that the pacemaker could alter the speed Monitors performance but the technicians also concluded “Ain’t no Focus doing 167, that speed monitor must be bogus. Police have decided to drop charges and will release Aunt Bee after she cleans up from the wonderful dinner she cooked for everyone at the station.