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 From Karl's cubicle:
 Aiming to compete with area restaurants which have salad-bars, Mr.
Rich Bossmund announced recently that we were adding an on-site
Salad-Shooter. I remember it like it was almost tomorrow:...
"We already supply everything that you would need for all of your
fiber needs with salads, so letting it go with the Shooter was
just a no-brainer!" announced Rich Bossmund, E.I.E.I.O. of BOSSCO.
"We do apologize for people being startled whenever our Shooter goes
off."
"So now we can Shoot your salads while you wait; we even cut the
cheesiest ones you've ever been around!! Ripe and juicy ones" added
Chas Laser, editor of Junk Brothers News.
"The Salad-Shooter is a real attention-getter. You should see some
of the looks that we are getting!!" continued Rich Bossmund. "Our
Shooter provides ultra-high intensity output, and you just can't
match the volume."
"We know that we are in a business where freshness counts," asserted
Chas, "and you just can't get any fresher or riper than Bossmund's
Shooter. Why he is so fresh, that he has already been slapped seven
times today!! Not patting my own-self on the back too, I get a pretty
good bang out of running from his Shooter."
"This idea is so good, that we've already added patents with the
Turkey-Shooter. We just need to re-check the laws about shooting
birds in town," said Bossmund.
"I don't think that will be a problem Mr. Bossmund. They must not
enforce the laws, because I see lots of people in town shooting
birds all of the time. Sometimes when I am coming or going or if
they pass me on the street, they let me see them shooting birds
right out in the open," interjected Chas.
 "We need to put a stop to that," answered Bossmund, "Once people
realize how great our Turkey-Shooter is, I imagine that we will
shoot all of the turkeys in town! They will just be gobbling-up this
baby! It slices and dices and whole lot more! We'll make those other
bird shooters look fowl. This Turkey-Shooter is the only one that
shoots regular or premium butter-balls; canned or frozen turkey."
"No doubt, big-man," replied Chas, "hey, Steve OTR had the idea of
pureed turkey & booze! White meat for white liquor, and dark meat
for bourbons. Now that turkey's got a kick! It jells naturally at
room temperature, too! Vodka turkey breast jell-o shots. Man it
don't get any better than that!"
"We need to post a sign about the turkey byproducts, though; if
people slip then they will just have to take it up with the
insurance company. I can't be shooting the customers and minding a
mess of green stuff at the same time." complained Chas.
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How Our Turkey Shoot Was Born