Report from Steve OTR (On The Road)
Letter to the editor:
Dear Chas,
 You never would believe where those Keebler cookies come from!
You've heard about elves in a hollow tree? It is getting close to
Christmas and I thought that we might could use those elves. Well I
set about to find out while on assignment in China, and I think I
caught Chinese brain-chiggers!After missing the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York,
because a fellow wanted me to do a story about
Madonna's image seen
in a bottle of rare French wine. You know that I'm not really a fan
of Madonna, but she does have some mighty fine wine. I drank the
whole bottle!
 Then, when I'm hauling my jalopy away from the wino that give it
to me, I snagged this big
ol'yellar balloon that somebody had
carelessly left in the street, with my car. At first I didn't
realize what happened, then l noticed my car seemed overloaded.
The next thing I know, I'm
flying first class to Japan by Mr.
Bossmund. Make that China. Not Mr. China, though.
 The boss must have a son in
Japan about to get married to a
harem, because he said that he had to "go to Japan to talk to sonny
about mounting Fugi and nine or ten to do."
I think he's also worried about
legal troubles with professional
wrestlers, because he said he'd sue more wrestlers.
 Don't worry about
Mr. Bossmund, because he's in good hands. While
I was in the Navy for 22 years they taught me Jell-O and other
marital arts of self-defense.
 Anyway since we overshot Japan (I forgot to turn the fan off in
my car) while riding in the new Junk Brothers News Blimp, I've
talked Mr. Bossmund into not taking any action until after the first
of the Chinese new year.
There's probably very little chance of getting a Phat Ho's Korean
Pizza with Sushi Topping here in China.
 I guess while I'm here, I may as well cover the 2008 Summer
Olympics in Beijing. I already have a great parking space. Mr.
Bossmund and I flew right over the Great Wall without paying the
admission to China.
You know Chas, there's a lot of money to be made in China. I
didn't know that one tea-cup could go for well over a hundred
dollars. I've already come across some Waterford, Wedgewood, Belleek,
Killbarry, and Royal Tara authentic made in China. Just think how
popular it would be if they put pictures of Madonna on it!
Oh yes, these brain-chiggers almost made me forget! Mr. Bossmund
dictated a list of things for you to do. I typed it up on one of the
company's typewriters. He said these fifteen things were most urgent
and that you should get right to them. You can thank me later!
Well, as they say in China, "Yao Ming!" I think he's the emperor
of China or some short order walk-on extra from th Dynasty TV
series. Sounds like a brand of cat-food.
Fifteen most urgent things to do!
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