Terrorists Active in National Parks
By Steve On The Road
The main road to Yosemite National Park is closed after a rock slide has buried it under 300 feet of debris, officials said. No one was injured in the slide about 12 miles west of the park on Highway 140, but rocks continued to fall Thursday, preventing crews from removing an estimated 250-300 tons of debris, fire officials said.
"It looks like the mountain moved right over the road," said Ranger Smith of the National Park Service. "It looks like there should be a tunnel there, but there's not."
Motorists are advised to use alternate routes into the park. Two
routes from the south and the north are still open, and it is not clear when the road will reopen.
"What is clear is exactly who is
responsible for this dastardly deed," continued Ranger Smith. "Just prior to the avalanche, we detected an increase of chatter on the mountain just above the road. My assistant, Park Ranger Tom Anderson was able to photograph insurgent activity in the area moments before the rock slide."
The photo shows clearly, two park bears, on the rocks above the road. One bear appears to be enjoying a bottled beverage that may be Coke.
“We're going to hunt them down and smoke them out of their mountain caves. One at a time…it doesn't matter where they hide, we will find them and bring them to justice,” promised President Bush speaking at an impromptu press conference at the Department of Interior Homeland Security.
"These terror bears don't care about your freedom to drive in the park," stressed President Bush, "all they care about is how to make Americans look stupid, and believe me, it is no walk in the park. The bears are bad news. They may pretend to be just an innocent bear-
skin rug, invitingly posing as a pic-a-nic blanket. But make no mistake about it. We have intelligence about what a bear does in the woods. And especially that Cindy Bear."
"Many of our friends have their doubts about whether we can find the bears of mass destruction," cautioned Bush, "and especially that tall bear, Ole soma-Bear Yogi. He's smarter than the average bear, but 'Hey-Hey, Hey-Hey!' he can't bear the average president!"
Although Yogi Bear was not available to comment, his pal Boo Boo quoted him as saying, "Sheesh! I guess we'll have to grin and bear it!"
